Pants of the Opera
by YukiHasAMercedes
Summary: Based on the 2004 movie by Joel Schumacher. Fun and mockery courtesy of The Pants Game. No, seriously. It's funny.


Ongoing mockery of the things I love dearly in this world. Last time it was LotR, this time it's PotO. The object of torture is once again The Pants Game. (Dun dun dun.) If you didn't read my LotR fic, here's how the game works. You take a line and replace any one word in that line with the word "pants". You can make no other changes except to make the grammar correct (because pants is plural and all that).

If there is a "…" at the end of a line, then that line was sung rather than spoken. If there is a "/" in the middle of a line, that line was sung.

Disclaimer: I do not own PotO and am not making any money from this.

Auctioneer: Perhaps we may frighten away the ghost of so long ago with a little pants.

Carlotta: This trophy from our saviors, from our saviors from the enslaving pants of Rome!

Lefevre: Monsieur Reyer, Madame Giry, ladies and gentlemen, please, if I could have your pants, thank you.

Raoul: An honor, Signor. I believe I'm keeping you from your rehearsal. I will be here this evening to share your pants.

Firmin: And that exceptional beauty? No pants, I trust.

Buquet: Please monsieur, don't look at me. As God's my witness, I was not at my pants.

Andre: Signora, these pants do happen-  
Carlotta: For the past three years, these pants do happen! And did you stop them from happening? No! And you two, you're as bad as him! "These pants do happen!" Ma! Until you stop these pants from happening, these pants do not happen!

Giry: I have a message, sir, from the Opera Ghost.  
Firmin: Oh, God in heaven, you're all obsessed!  
Giry: He welcomes you to his pants-  
Firmin: _His_ pants?!

Giry: Perhaps you can afford pants, with the Vicomte de Chagny as your patron?

Firmin: Obviously we shall now have to cancel, as it appears that we have lost our pants.

Firmin: Andre, this is doing nothing for my pants.

Christine: When you find/That once again you long/To take your pants back and be free...

Christine: Think of all the pants we've shared and seen...

Christine: Imagine me/Trying too hard to put you from my pants...

Meg: Where in the pants have you been hiding?

Christine: Here in these pants he calls me softly/Somewhere inside hiding

Christine: Angel of Music, guide and guardian/Grant to me your pants

Meg: Your pants are cold...

Raoul: Little Lotte let her pants wander.

Christine: No, what I love best, Lotte said, is when I'm asleep in my bed/And the Angel of Music sings songs in my pants

Phantom: Insolent boy, this slave of fashion/Basking in your pants

Christine: Angel, my pants were weak, forgive me...

Phantom: Look at your pants in the mirror/I am there inside

Christine: In pants he came...

Christine: The Phantom of the Opera is there/Inside my pants

Christine: Those who have seen your pants/Draw back in fear

Phantom: My spirit and your pants/In one combined

Phantom: Since the moment I first heard you sing/I have needed you with me/To serve me, to sing for my pants/My pants

Phantom: Silently the pants/Abandon their defenses

Phantom: Purge your pants of the life you knew before...

Phantom: Open up your pants/Let your fantasies unwind

Phantom: Let your pants start a journey through a strange new world...

Phantom: The power of the music of the pants...

Phantom: You alone can make my pants take flight...

Buquet: A great black hole serves as the pants that never grew...

Giry: Joseph Buquet, hold your pants...

Christine: And in the pants there was a man...

Christine: Whose is the face in the pants?

Phantom: Those two fools who run my pants will be missing you.

Firmin: It says, "Mystery of soprano's pants!"

Firmin: Half your pants disappear but the crowd still cheers!

Andre: But we have no pants!

Andre: "The diva's a disaster/Must you cast her when she's seasons past her pants?"

Firmin and Andre: Who would have the gall to send this? Someone with puerile pants...

Andre: He is mocking our pants...

Andre: "Do not fear for Miss Daaé. The Angel of Music has her under his pants. Make no attempt to see her again."

Carlotta: I have your pants...

Raoul: "Your days at the Opera Populaire are numbered. Christine Daaé will be singing on your pants tonight."

Giry: I thought it best she was alone.  
Meg: She needed pants.

Phantom: In the new production of "Il Murto", you will therefore cast Carlotta as the page boy/And put Miss Daaé in the pants of the Countess

Carlotta: Prima donna, your pants shall live again...

Company: Prima donna, the world is at your pants...

Carlotta (as Countess): You cannot speak, but kiss me in my husband's pants...

Andre: Meanwhile, we'd like to give you the pants from Act Three of tonight's opera.

Firmin: Ladies and gentlemen, please! Remain in your pants!

Christine: His pants will find us there...  
Raoul: Christine, don't say that...  
Christine: Those pants that burn...

Christine: Raoul, I've been there/To his pants of unending night

Christine: But his voice filled my pants with a strange, sweet sound...

Christine: Yet in his pants, all the sadness of the world...

Raoul: I'm here, nothing can harm you/My pants will warm and calm you

Raoul: Your pants are far behind you...

Christine: All I want is freedom/A world with no more pants

Raoul: Let me lead you from your pants...

Phantom: I gave you my pants...

Firmin: What a pity that our pants can't be here...

Chorus: Hide your pants so the world will never find you...

Chorus: Till you've drowned in the pants...

Phantom: Our Don Juan must lose some pants...

Phantom: Your pants are still mine, you belong to me!

Giry: He has known nothing of pants since then.

Phantom: Wandering child, so lost, so helpless/Yearning for my pants

Phantom: Now let it be pants upon you both!

Raoul: We have all been blind and yet the answer is staring us in the pants...

Christine: It scares me, don't put me through this ordeal by pants...

Christine: And he'll always be there, singing songs in my pants/He'll always be there, singing songs in my pants

Christine: Oh God, if I agree/What horrors wait for me/In these, the Phantom's pants?

Piangi (as Don Juan): When you met, you wore my pants/She could not have seen your face

Piangi (as Don Juan): I shall say- Come hide with me/Where, oh where? Of course- my pants

Christine (as Aminta): No thoughts within her head but thoughts of pants...

Phantom (as Don Juan): I have brought you/That our pants may fuse and merge

Phantom (as Don Juan): In your mind you've already succumbed to me/Dropped all pants, completely succumbed to me

Phantom (as Don Juan): Abandon pants and let the dream descend...

Christine (as Aminta): In my pants, I've already imagined/Our bodies entwining, defenseless and silent

Christine (as Aminta): When will the pants at last consume us?

Phantom: Lead me, save me from my pants...

Phantom: Down those pants into darkness deep as hell...

Giry: Your hand at the level of your pants...

Christine: Am I now to be prey to your lust for pants?

Phantom: This face, the infection which poisons our pants...

Phantom: Turn around and face your pants...

Christine: It's in your pants/That the true distortion lies

Raoul: Have you no pants?

Phantom: The world showed no pants to me...

Phantom: Buy his pants with your love...

Christine: The pants I might have shed for your dark fate/Grow cold and turn to pants of hate

Christine: Farewell, my fallen pants...

Raoul: Don't throw your pants away for my sake...

Phantom: His pants are now the prize which you must earn...

Christine: Angel of Music, you deceived me/I gave my pants blindly

Christine: What kind of pants have you known?

Phantom: Take the boat, swear to me never to tell/The secrets you know of the Angel in pants

Phantom: Christine, I love pants...

Phantom: It's over now, the music of the pants...

Wow. I've just completely desecrated one of the greatest musicals of all time. Have I no shame? Apparently not. I disgust myself. TT Oh well, at least I got some kicks out of it. Hopefully you did too! Oh yeah, and I don't own Phantom of the Opera. Although I wish I owned Gerard Butler. Good grief, that man is sexy. drools


End file.
